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Writer's pictureAmanda St. Mary

The Case for Belonging as the Missing Piece of Self-Wholeness



Something has been chasing me, calling me, yearning for me to turn towards it for almost my entire life. A hollow space that is somehow felt through its open emptiness, yet also begs to be filled up, to be completed—something I can only describe as a part awaiting to meet and be placed back within its whole. This is the heartsong of belonging.


Many of us have been cast out from the place of belonging.


I have been told again and again that I can only belong to a group if I consent to conditional acceptance directly dependent upon the level of subservient, controlled, and parameterized behavior I can display. This creates a conditional sense of self-worth and a deeply ingrained belief that I am only worthy of belonging if I first agree to abandon parts of myself. This is how I lose myself, learning to cut off my sense of self in order to belong to the perceived safety, love, resources, and validation that any group or entity outside of me assures they will provide in exchange for the compromise of my wholeness.


It is not until we cry out "NO!" and run in the other direction that we can step into our exploration of what it means to belong to ourselves—to reclaim our wild, feminine, liberated sense of Self. A woman who belongs to herself is a woman on fire—untamed, unapologetic.


To belong to oneself is to step outside the box of what we have been told is acceptable and to truly discover what we wish to belong to for ourselves. By doing so, we can discern which tribes and in what capacities we align with and where our true belonging is celebrated.


When we start this journey of self-belonging, we begin to unravel the layers of conditioned beliefs and societal expectations that have been imposed upon us. This process is not always easy. It can be painful to confront the parts of ourselves that we have neglected or suppressed in the name of fitting in. But it is in this confrontation that we find our true essence, our authentic self that has been waiting to be seen and heard.


Belonging to oneself means embracing our unique qualities, our quirks, and our imperfections. It means standing tall in our truth, even when it goes against the grain of what others expect of us. It is a radical act of self-love and self-acceptance, one that requires courage and resilience.


As we begin to belong to ourselves, we start to attract people and communities that resonate with our authentic self. These are the people who celebrate our individuality, who support our growth, and who encourage us to shine our light brightly. These are the tribes where our true belonging is found.


In these spaces, we no longer have to hide parts of ourselves or conform to someone else's idea of who we should be. We can show up fully, as we are, and be met with acceptance and love. This is the beauty of true belonging—it is unconditional and freeing.


Belonging to ourselves also means taking responsibility for our own happiness and well-being. It means recognizing that we are the creators of our own lives and that we have the power to shape our reality. It is about finding joy and fulfillment within ourselves, rather than seeking it from external sources.


This journey of self-belonging is a continuous process. It requires us to stay present, to listen to our inner voice, and to honor our needs and desires. It is a practice of self-discovery and self-expression, one that evolves and deepens over time.


So, let us embrace the heartsong of belonging. Let us turn inward and reclaim the parts of ourselves that have been lost. Let us stand in our power and radiate our true essence. In doing so, we not only find our own wholeness but also create a ripple effect of authenticity and belonging in the world around us.


Remember, you are worthy of belonging just as you are. You do not need to change or hide to fit in. Your true tribe is out there, waiting to welcome you with open arms. Trust in your journey and know that you are never alone. You belong to yourself, and that is the most beautiful and empowering belonging of all.



REFLECTIONS


  • What is my relationship to Belonging? What does Belonging mean to me?

  • When was the first time I remember compromising my truth/worth/authenticity in order to belong?

  • Where can I take a step back from the places where I no longer feel I fit in or align with belonging there?

  • How do I know when I do Belong somewhere? How does it feel, how do I act there, what behaviors reflect back to me that I feel like I Belong?








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